Tis the Season

As we are approaching the half point of the Jewish holiday season, I felt it was definitely time to do my hair. This past Friday I spent 5 months worth of work getting it done. At Shab lunch my pal T-dawg told me she was going to do kaparot in Crown Heights with a live hen. I was seriously contemplating whether or not I should do it, the main reason being that it would make for a McAwesome Facebook album, but also, I would rather do it with a hen than with money and lastly, that's the way it is meant to be done. It feels more Jewish that way. As I was weighing out the pros and cons, I got thinking, the reason it is done with a hen is that your sins go straight to the hen and then they kill her instead of killing you-the dead hen then goes to poor people so all's good. But in the last moments, the hen knows it's gonna get executed, and it's probably terrified. One of the last things this hen is going to do is poop, and I just did my hair. I know I sound super girly and cheap, but I don't want want to have to put with hen poop. Money it is.
Yom Kippur always gets me thinking about me when I was younger. On Yom Kip, I went to shul(synagogue), with plenty of food and I used to eat it with my friend Felicia. The best part was watching this huskier 14 year old boy drool over our snacks. We got smart about it, we would totally rub it in, and make noises as we ate it. "Ummmmmmm, wow, this is great...I can't believe people can't eat today....mmmmmmm" and we snorted as we stuffed our faces too, and the poor fat boy just stared. I didn't regret it, I still laugh at it but now at 22, having fasted for 10 Yom Kip's, by no means do I encourage that kind of behavior. Kids, eat your food at home.