Great Heights

Ever since my good pal Malki* got an apartment in the Heights, she's had a new-found obsession with bedding. Most of our conversations online involved her sending me links to different kinds of sheets, comforters and all that jazz. Repeatedly I explained to her that we will have to find some time to swing by Target(pronounced tar-get, not tar-jay)and check out their shmatahz(rags). Amongst the many many links, there was one from Delias. It was this light pink paisley-esque kinda thing that cost way too much considering it was made out of paper. I told her that she absolutely could not buy it, and then I continued to make fun of her for actually being interested in the first place.
This past Wednesday was "Day with a merchant" over in my buying workshop course. Basically they set you up with a buyer to follow around for the day, it's a cool concept. At random, I didn't get assigned to Bergdorf's or Foot Locker, rather I got Delia's! More specifically, Alloy. Just some background on these guys. They are catalogs, the kind that came free with my (Seven)Teen(People) magazines when I was 13. More than anything, I always wanted to order clothing from them, specifically their long corduroy cargo skirt in olive green, yet I was never allowed to because it was overpriced junk and I was just restricted from catalog orders because you never know how it's going to fit. As a result, I resented the company for years. (Just a thought, but can someone please help me bring cargo pockets back on the scene? They are so McUseful!)
Anyway, I spent the day at Alloy and it turned out to be lotsa fun and working for catalogs happen to be really cool etc. But after a long day at work, I had to go to Anthro to see when I'm working next(of course I'm working Weds before Thanksgiving, if any co-workers are reading this and want to cover, call me ASAP)and I was at the front getting my employee checkout. Anyone who's visited me before or just asked me how Anthro is would know that I'm kinda scared of the store manager, she's awesome, just a tough chica. She was looking through my bag doing my checkout, when she saw an Alloy magazine. I was mortified.

Stein, This One's For You

It was an honor to attend the wedding of Sassy and Gabe last night. Less than a month ago, I was shopping before heading up to work and I came across this super cute black/brown/bronze shinyish plaid dress with a big black sash. Not the fanciest dress I've ever seen, yet fancy enough to wear to Sassy and Gabe's/the Israel wedding, yet unfancy enough that I can wear it on Shab after. Last night I get to the Shmorg, and T-Dawg sees some other chick wearing this dress. While I like to be unique in what I wear, I thought it was pretty funny, we were both wearing the exact same plaid dress to a wedding. I sucked it up walked over, tapped her on the shoulder and yelled "MATCHING!", we laughed about it and that was it. Some girls would have been annoyed, but you know what, we were both the same size, so it's not like one of us looked hotter or fatter. Somehow we ended up next to each other many times during the evening. I mean it wasn't shocking someone else would have it, it was reasonably priced and from Zara. It's not like I found it at a trunk show. This scenario got me thinking about how thankful I am for not overreacting to the fact that 2 of us were wearing the same dress which will clearly show up in a photo album someday. So without further ado, and I know it's a month early, but back by popular demand here is my list of things I am thankful for:
1) My size 2/4/6 figure(varies by retailer).
2) My employee discount that not only works at Anthro, but it's sister/mother stores, Free People and Urban.
3) My stomach which can easily take on fast food day after day.
4) My average size shoe, not only do I feel bad for those ladies who wear 11/12's but also the girls who wear under a 5, they have it rough.
5) My singing voice, it makes for an interesting roadtrip.
6) My mental alarm clock, without it I would sleep til dusk.
7) The monthly Metrocard, which allows me to take the 1 train from 28th-34th and then get back on and head up to Times Square (is it time or times?).
8) Yachad, for letting me come back each time.
9) Yachad again, for giving me not one, but 2 free trips to Israel(go YBR '06 parts 1 and 2)
10) My lack of a uni-brow, those can get pretty nasty.
11) The upstairs of J2, it's just like a library only you can eat.
12) No allergies, can you imagine growing up without peanut butter on a spoon?
13) Chocolate powder, for making milk taste good.
14) Facebook, for letting me stay in touch with those I've met only once.
15) Wacky Mac, for making powdered cheese cool.
16) Being Jewish, yes the meat may be more expensive, but look at all the money we save on lobster.
17) The best for last, my friend/fans, without them none of this would be possible.

Thank you.

What are YOU thankful for?

Anti Air Freshener

Have you ever been in a public restroom at the same time someone else was pooping. or have you ever been in the stall after someone pooped, or maybe just passed some gas? It's kinda horrible, but the only thing worse than the actual stench is when someone tries to cover it up with berry-scented air freshener. Then it smells like poop and berries. Back in the AP psych days, I used this comparison to remember classical conditioning, who remembered that stupid story about the bell dog anyway? Let's say I'm the kinda person that enjoys the scent of rainflower blossom. Just the sound of "rainflower blossom" makes me feel like I'm running through a field with bouquets of flowers in both hands on a sunny spring afternoon. I run through the field cherishing that scent, it's so magical. Now lets take that scent, put it in an aerosol can and spray it to cover up the poo stench. Every time someone farts, barfs makes a poopy or changes a dirty diaper, out comes the rainflower blossom can. A few weeks later after many many uses, I go running through that very meadow-only this time, I am disgusted by the smell. I have been conditioned to associate this wonderful smell with fowl odors. Classic.
In a recent discussion with an anonymous friend, Malki* who just moved to Washington Heights* she was telling me that her and her roomies unanimously decided not to have air freshener in their bathroom. I feel that it is a risky yet noble move. I wish Sharona* and Melissa* much luck, and I plan on keeping tabs on that over the course of the next couple of weeks, so good luck girls*.
Same goes for those folks who shower every other first Friday of the month, covering up your body odor with perfume works quite well the first 1-4 days.The more you do it, the more residue builds up, the less effective your Burberrry Eau De Toilette works. My grandma used to(and still does)refer to perfume as toilet water. I never knew where that came from until recently. I actually thought that those pretty glass bottle were filled with water from the toilet. There were even times that I smelled the toilet to see what was so great. Sometimes toilets had that blue stuff in it which made sense, because some perfumes are blue. It would rock if toilets smelled like Chanel 5, but they don't. Its probably a good thing. Because if toilets did smell like like Chanel, no one would wear her to weddings.

*Names, places and prounouns may have been changed for dramatic effect.

Putting the Hock in Hakafot

This past weekend was the last of the Jewish holiday weekends for a really long time, it's a kind of a bittersweet feeling but at least I have my Motzash's back-which can only mean one thing. Party time! Let's reflect on Simchas Torah '06:
What's more fun than meeting randoms and having a whole conversation about baked beans. Everyone loves baked beans, just everyone tries to hide that. Back in MDS days, I would always look forward to every other Tuesday, Hot Dog day. They served hot dogs, corn bread and baked beans. I never ate the beans because I always feared that if I did I would hear some kind of poem about flatulence, so I avoided it. I kind of regret it now. To think I could have had 8 years worth of beans in my system is I wasn't so intimidated by my peers.
It's always fun when your friend comes out of the room first thing in the morning wearing your bra, and then to make it more believable, she adds 6 baby peppers to fill it out, what can possibly be hotter than that. Forget about stuffing you bra with balled up toilet paper or shoulder pads, peppers are the way to go.
Holiday meals are always fun,but it's possible that there will be some glitches along the way. For example, what kinda of idiot makes noodle kugal in a dairy pot for a meat meal? Just use the meat pot, why must we complicate things? Also, it's important that when eating brownies, you should probably ask the host exactly what ingredients were used. Also, deli roll rules.
It's always fun to hock it up and then seeing your super cute, yet still single Rebbe from 6th grade in the middle of it all.
You know those people that just don't like going to bathroom by alone? How about going to the restroom in #8H, at the party of the century, and accompanying her along with one other friend. Sounds funny, but how bout when there were 3 girls in the bathroom and then the door wouldn't open. It was pretty funny when the door finally opened but to have 3 girls walk out of the bathroom one by one. This almost reminds me of the time I was in Ramaz. I was picking up Emily from a birthday party and I went to the bathroom, I couldn't see the sign of the door because it was wide open and I chose to ignore the urinals because it was the lower school. After I finished, I heard a man's voice. But of course I just peed in the men's room. I couldn't leave because the men were in the middle, I didn't wanna see them, heck, I didn't want them to see me! After the 6 longest minutes ever of me waiting patiently, I tip-toed out. I thought I was safe. Until the stupid janitor started laughing at me causing everyone to turn around. Oops.

Remember, just CUS you weren't there, doesn't mean you wont get it (haha, cus. Good times).

Drumroll Please

One of my favorite places to go on my lunch break is the upstairs of J2. It's quiet, the food rocks, and the sushi man knows my name. The upstairs has their regulars, usually a man on his laptop, 2 men who only wear their kippahs while they eat, and that homeless man who talks to himself, otherwise, it's nice and quiet and I can really get my work done. Today as I was reading WWD and eating my sushi, my peace was interrupted. These 2 Chasidic families came through the doors as if there were some sorta sale going and they were the first to get in, and they dashed to the back-to the table next to me. I counted, 11 kids, under the age of 10. They were very well dressed, which makes sense cuz they had off for Chol Hamoad, and of course all the girls and boys were wearing matching Children's Place ensembles. They attack the table, and they were pushing and screaming because everyone wanted to sit next to baby Shyndel, and then poor Feivel had no place to sit, and Mordechai Meir, was screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason. He was just screeching-he is bad news. Then Estee got annoyed because she didn't have a bowl. Why did estee need a bowl? It's a pizza joint. Finally, the mothers come up, both pregnant of course-and suddenly the children are all sitting nicely waiting to be served. And yes, they were loud enough for me to catch their names. Well that didn't last very long. Because before I new it, all of the kid's were running around because there was a big empty space. I was just sitting there literally minding my own business, yet observing at the same time, and this Mordechai Meir punk come to my table, he pulls over a chair and starts staring at me. As if that isn't awkward, he goes ahead and steals my chopsticks! He didn't bat an eyelash, he stares me down, steals my sticks and runs. He seemed to have confused them with drumsticks I guess, because his next move involved him drumming on everything in his path including Estee's head. Of course the moms didn't notice, they were sitting there eating their meals peacefully, while little Shyndel was holding herself because she had to pee. Such Vilda Chayas, I think I'm going to stick with the downstairs next time.

FlufferNutter

A pretty large chunk of this Columbus/Sukkot weekend was spent eating spoonfuls of marshmallow fluff and peanut butter. It's pretty good, but you have to have the correct proportions, I enjoy a 1:6 ratio in favor of the fluff over the nutter. As we are in the middle of holiday season, I compiled a list of habits, thoguhts and peeves that I thought were fascinating, without further ado, here are the top 12:
1) I like to sleep with a lot of stuff on my bed. Past roomies and sleeepover guests can back me up on that. I usually sleep with the printer, worn clothing, sometimes magazines/ newspapers and handouts from classes. This has never posed a problem in the past, excluding my summer at Camp HASC when I slept on a bunkbed and found my paraphernalia scattered all over the camper on the bottom bunk.
2) I'm not one of those people that eat ketchup with EVERYTHING, but there are many foods that before even tasting them I know that I will be squirting some ketchup on. That includes Chulent, any kind of breaded chicken, grilled vegetables, and obviously potatoes. I never understood people that eat ketchup with their pickles-unless they are in a burger.
3) I hate chocolate chips. I enjoy chocolate very much, but there's something about the chips I don't like. I like peanut butter chips, I don't like peanuts, but I like peanut butter. Get it?
4) I don't get people that IM me when my away message is up just to say "what's up", my away message is on, and you know I am online, but I'm probably eating, facebooking, chitchatting on the phone, or showering and therefore can't talk to you. If you have something important to say, or just want to read my witty away message, go for it. Otherwise, back off.
5) Tights and socks. I saw this adorable little girl wearing the cutest little outfit, white tights, thick white socks and shiny black patent leather Mary Janes. They made this already pudgy baby's legs look ginormous, were the tube socks necessary? Not only were they ugly, but it wasn't even so cold out, were tights alone not enough?
6) Little girls with messy hair. No, I'm not some weird child stalker, I just think little girls with curly, unruly hair is precious. Not to be confused with dirty, I think it's gross when little girls with messy hair have sticky stuff growing in it.
7) Phase 10 is probably the best game ever created, if you never heard of it, check it out, don't make me explain it. But take my work for it. Phase 10.
8) I sleep with my blanket pulled over my head. Even if my room is really hot.
9) I know I'm talking about sleeping habits a lot, but I do do it 1-3 times a day (haha, "do do"). If I go to sleep with socks or sweat pants, when I wake up in the morning, neither of them are on me anymore. Does this only happen to me? Fine the socks I kick off, but how do the pants get off?
10) I can't ride a 2-wheeler. I just gave my bike away a few months ago with the training wheels still intact. I would look pretty hot riding through the streets of Manhattan on my pink bike, with the white lather graffiti pouch on the front-and then chained against a street sign somewhere along 27th street.
11) I can tell the difference between diet and regular. I can also tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi. My conclusion is, when it comes to Coke, I don't do diet. Pepsi, I don't mind it. Snapple peach iced tea must be diet.
12) When I go to Starbucks, I take extra packets of "Sugar in the Raw", it makes a great snack. When I go to the movies, I usually steal those little packages of relish, and when I go to the pizza shop, I steal packages of ketchup. Because you never know. Please don't report me.

Extra Time

You know the feeling when you have a bijillion things to do and can't possibly imagine that you'll get through all of it, but once you're done it really wasn't such a big deal? As of Sunday, I knew there was going to be a lot going on this week. I had 4 papers, a quiz, work and a bunch of reading. Above all, Yom Kippur-which I used an excuse for not doing any of it til the last minute. I had my alarm set this morning for 6:45, 30 minutes earlier than usual-I got out of bed at 7 and immediately worked on my paper that is due this afternoon. Suddenly I see the time and realized that I was running late so I printed it (yay!), grabbed a banana and ran. Here are the thoughts that went through my head as I was walking to the subway:
1) I look really hot holding this banana, I think it looks even hotter than holding a Starbucks cup.
2) Where are all the Bais Yaacov girls? I pass them every morning, they probably have off today-they always have off erev-erev a chag(Jewish holiday).
3) I kinda want a muffin. I rarely eat muffins, but today I had such a craving.
Ok, so I'm sitting on the train which was emptier than usual. Sometimes I have to wait on the platform because there is no room and today not only did I get on first round, but I even got a seat! Still hungry from my lack of breakfast, I decided to stop in Whole Food and get a drink there. They have awesome juices. I like juice. Whole Food opens at 8:00, I look at my Ipod, and it's 7:51. They're not open yet. "Wait a minute, it's 7:51! Class starts at 9:00, and I'm the biggest idiot!". Seriously. First stop, back on the train, I'm headed to the kosher Dunkin Donuts on 34th, I'm getting me that muffin. Imagine getting an extra hour in the morning, and yet, I had nothing to do but go across town to get a muffin. I got it and slowly made my way back to FIT. I get upstairs, safely (that means I didn't get lost) and there is a sign on the door. Class Canceled!

Cream Cheese, Caskets and Costco

As I sit here eating cream cheese with a spoon, I'll share a quick thought. One time I called my good friend Jane*. She missed my call. About 45 minutes went by til she called me back and said "I can't talk now, can I call you back later?" What is that? Just call me at your convenience, don't call to tell me now is not a convenient time. I can come to that conclusion on my own by the very fact she didn't pick up her phone. This day in age we can see who called us, and we can even tell if the person we are trying to reach is on the other line(that hit Israel first, 5 more points for the Jews!), so do us all a favor and don't be that person.
While on the topic of annoying things people do, here's an issue that comes up way too many times during the day. Letting doors close behind you. It doesn't even take a second to turn around and check if there is anyone behind you. A few hours ago I bought a printer from Best Buy. It's probably the best printer out there, aside from the one sitting on my bed that stopped working for no reason-I'll get into that in a future post. The printer weighs about 7 pounds, it's a sleek design, but with the box and all, it's a little bulky. Can you imagine what it feels like when someone doesn't hold the door for you while you're holding a printer? Think about it, taking a look behind to see if someone is coming doesn't take more than 3 seconds out of your busy day. If you're anything like me and get to class late, 3 seconds won't make much of a difference. If you're late you're late. And if you're late because you were holding the door for an old man with a cane in one hand and bottles to recycle in the other, you know your lateness was totally worth it.
Here goes my final thought. I presented an article in class today from last Thursday's Women's Wear Daily about how Viktor&Rolf (these gay designers who design clothing so magnificent, I have never heard of them so I googled them to ensure that I didn't sound like a total idiot) are designing a limited line of wedding apparel for H&M. This line will have gowns for $378 and tuxedos for $189 and it's Viktor&Rolf! This is the 3rd time H&M is doing this; in the past they used Karl Lagerfeld and Stella McCartney and it was a huge success, so keep your eyes open for the television ads.I will close with the comment my professor made "If Costo can sell caskets, H&M can sell wedding gowns." Mazal Tov and thank you.

Tis the Season

As we are approaching the half point of the Jewish holiday season, I felt it was definitely time to do my hair. This past Friday I spent 5 months worth of work getting it done. At Shab lunch my pal T-dawg told me she was going to do kaparot in Crown Heights with a live hen. I was seriously contemplating whether or not I should do it, the main reason being that it would make for a McAwesome Facebook album, but also, I would rather do it with a hen than with money and lastly, that's the way it is meant to be done. It feels more Jewish that way. As I was weighing out the pros and cons, I got thinking, the reason it is done with a hen is that your sins go straight to the hen and then they kill her instead of killing you-the dead hen then goes to poor people so all's good. But in the last moments, the hen knows it's gonna get executed, and it's probably terrified. One of the last things this hen is going to do is poop, and I just did my hair. I know I sound super girly and cheap, but I don't want want to have to put with hen poop. Money it is.
Yom Kippur always gets me thinking about me when I was younger. On Yom Kip, I went to shul(synagogue), with plenty of food and I used to eat it with my friend Felicia. The best part was watching this huskier 14 year old boy drool over our snacks. We got smart about it, we would totally rub it in, and make noises as we ate it. "Ummmmmmm, wow, this is great...I can't believe people can't eat today....mmmmmmm" and we snorted as we stuffed our faces too, and the poor fat boy just stared. I didn't regret it, I still laugh at it but now at 22, having fasted for 10 Yom Kip's, by no means do I encourage that kind of behavior. Kids, eat your food at home.